Cosleeping to a Close: Part 3

The third and final installment of my co-sleeping saga has arrived.

The time came when we decided we needed some space in our queen-sized bed. Carrick had been rolling away from me in the night after nursing, so I didn't feel like I needed to be next to him to keep him safe. He was sleeping just fine on his own, no breathing issues, no nightmares, no colic, just a really great sleeper. So I decided to try something new. Our bed was fairly low to the ground, and so I blew up a queen-sized air mattress and mad a bed for Carrick right next to our bed. It was just a few inches below our bed, and only a few inches from the floor. I put my humongous U-shaped pregnancy pillow on it and put Carrick in the middle to sleep. When he stirred to nurse in the night, I would roll down to the air mattress, nurse him, go to the bathroom, and return to bed.

This also helped our love-life. We now had the entire bed to ourselves, so now it was just a matter of taking advantage of Carrick being asleep either in the morning or at night. This was probably the best time of all of us getting sleep.

We had to move after several months of using the air mattress. Our new place had a giant, high-off-the-ground king-sized bed in the master bedroom. Also, since we had just transitioned into a new place, I decided that I didn't want to leave Carrick alone in a new room by himself, but the air mattress wouldn't work anymore. The bed was really high off the ground, plus the carpet had a funny smell, so I didn't want him in the air mattress close to the floor. He slept with us again, although this time, there was plenty of room.

Eventually, Carrick started turning sideways in his sleep, and since the bed was so far of the ground, he had to sleep between us so as to not roll of the bed. When he started making us into an "H" by sleeping sideways between Corey and me, we literally felt split. There was a great difficulty with having alone time too. So, we decided that the time had come for Carrick to transition into his own room and his own bed.

This was a BIG step for me as a mother. Carrick wasn't weaned yet, so he still cried to nurse in the night. I tried not nursing him once, and he just got hysterical. I thought, "you know, it's just not worth it right now to make him get so upset." So I continued to nurse him if he wanted it in the night.

The first step to him sleeping in his own room was putting him down to nap in his bed in his room everyday. That way, when he woke up, he was in that space and used to it. Then at night, I slept with him in (what was our old queen-sized bed) in his room, for a month. I wanted him secure with that space. Then I started a new step. I would fall asleep with him and after he nursed each night, I would get up to use the bathroom, then go to our bed and snuggle with Corey. Sometimes I would fall asleep there, and sometimes Carrick would cry again before that happened. However, I have to say this: Now that Corey and I are spending time together in the bed again, we have reconnected. Even though we might only get to spend 20 minutes each night together, and Corey is asleep for that, it's made a really big difference in our home life (and love life).

I know there might be some cynical people out there thinking, "Isn't that a lot of trouble to go through just to get your child asleep? Why not just put them in a crib and let them cry?" Here's why: It's a huge deal for kids to sleep on their own, folks. It's a major developmental task, whether they are two weeks old, or two years old. They are all by themselves, alone. Think about how you might like to snuggle up with a significant other, feel them next to you. It's comforting, it's reassuring. Imagine not being able to fully function on your own in the world and not having that comfort.

I also tried to coincide his sleeping alone with the natural movement of a toddler to declare their autonomy. Children of this age are learning about how they are separate from their parents, especially from the mom, especially if they are still nursing. They are learning about where they end and their parents begin, that they are not a part of their parents, but their own human being. So, I followed Carrick's cues about independence and acted on them. He doesn't nurse as long at night when he does nurse, which means he doesn't need mommy as much at night. He's all about self-feeding, making decisions, and of course, saying "no". These are all cues that he has moved into the Autonomous stage of his development, and so, I am trying to encourage that with his sleep habits.

I still have some work to do with getting him to sleep fully by himself all night long, but I am very happy with the progress we have seen since beginning this journey of Carrick sleeping in his big-boy bed.