Breaking the News

The morning after I received the news of my imminent motherhood was also my second day of floor Shiatzu at massage school. I did not feel like telling anyone in class right away. After all, we were all going to have to trade massage at some point, so they would have to know sooner or later, but I wasn't ready to tell them yet. I felt almost sad that morning as we explored the different ways to massage a person laying on the floor. I also felt incredibly vulnerable. I had to let all of these people touch me to practice massage and I really didn't feel like being touched. I just wanted to hide in my woman cave and hibernate until the news sunk in. Class began, and Sybil, the teacher, knelt down to one side of the woman laying on her mat as a demo body. We were learning the opening moves to a shiatzu session. She sat back on her heels, legs folded underneath her and her hands palm to palm at her heart center. Then she placed her hand on the demo woman's "hara", or abdomen as we call it in the west. When Sybil placed her hand on the woman's hara, I almost lost it emotionally. I had to pretend to use the restroom so I could cry in private. Sybil's opening move struck a nerve with me. Seeing her touch the woman in the very spot where my new child was forming was more than I could handle at that moment. Even though I thought I was ready to be a mom, I was not ready to swallow the enormous ball of acceptance. I had no idea what it really meant to be a mom, to be pregnant, to carry a child. After all, I had just released a lifelong burden about pregnancy a few months before. So the relative time of feeling free compared to feeling scared was minuscule. It seemed like an abrupt turnaround time. After a few minutes of quiet sobbing, I returned to class. My classmates were all paired up and practicing the opening moves. Since there were 11 people in my class, I was odd person out. So I paired up with Sybil. I couldn't keep my "condition" from Sybil if she were to do massage on me because there are certain things that you can't do with a pregnant woman when giving massage. (They are called contraindications.) I whispered into Sybil's ear, "I just found out I am pregnant." I remember feeling stupid after I said it. I made it sound like I just went to the restroom to do the pee stick thing right then. I didn't feel like clarifying at that moment, those were the only words I could get out without opening up the tear factory again. She understood. She gave me a hug and we began practicing. I felt apprehensive about doing a shiatzu trade during our afternoon session. I didn't want just anyone in my class to touch me. Before lunch, I decided that the one person I could tell about being pregnant and let them massage me was a middle aged classmate named Laura. She and I preferred to partner up on a regular basis and we trusted each other more than our other classmates. Also, I knew she'd be excited and happy about the news because she kept asking me when Corey and I would have kids. I needed a pat on the back at that point and Laura would most certainly provide that. I asked her during our morning break if she wanted to go to lunch at Thai Palace. As I asked her, a classmate named Matt overheard us and chimed in that it sounded like a good idea. Since the people in my class went out to lunch together regularly, I didn't want to be rude, and I thought it didn't really matter if Matt knew too. He kind of had a vision of me being a mother earlier in our massage training, so I thought it would be interesting for him to find out too. I also called my sister during one of our morning breaks. Ever since we were kids, we had an agreement, we would be the first people we tell if we were ever going to have kids. So, since I was about to tell a classmate or two, I thought, I have to tell my sister... As expected, Laura was more than thrilled at the news during our lunch together. You'd think she was the grandma by the way she reacted. I actually referenced Matt's vision to bring up the subject. I asked her if she would be my partner that afternoon too. Of course, she said yes. We returned to class and partnered up after lunch and I felt so much better about being pregnant. (Ironically, Sybil had a friend come in to take pictures of the class as they practiced on each other that day. So I actually have a picture of the first massage I gave as a pregnant woman.) After class was over for the day, Corey and I talked on the way home. He told me that during his lunch he went to our friends' house and talked to them about the news. We had just been at their house the day before we found out about being parents. ( The funny thing about that is we asked our friends on the way out, "How do we get one of these?" referring to their adorably cute three-and-a-half-year-old daughter. They answered, "Pray.") Corey told me how he brought up that conversation to tell them that we were going to be parents. He shared that after talking to them, he felt a greater sense of peace about being a parent. I told him how I also felt a sense of peace after telling my sister, Sybil, Laura (and Matt). So, after the shock of a positive pee strip and the silent dinner, Corey and I just needed a good night's sleep and the encouragement of some close friends to come to a place of agreement and acceptance. We were ready to walk our new path in life, that of parenthood. We didn't know what we were in for, but we knew we could do it together and everything would be just fine.