I woke from the dream on Saturday night. It had been clear, vivid, poignant, and a little bit morbid. As I awoke from the dream, I felt a fog lifting, everything seemed so clear. I began to realize that my fear of pregnancy was something I had adopted from my mother, it was not my own, and so, it was not mine to carry anymore. Nor was it my burden to bear about what happened with my sister. I had nothing to do with it, and there fore, I did not need to be fearful of being pregnant. Whatever pregnancy I would have in the future, it would be my own, not my mother's. And whatever would happen would happen. As Olga told us at the very beginning of class, "Every birth is Perfect." I had finally come to a place of peace about becoming a mother.
I felt a wave of confidence as I strode into class for the last day of pregnancy massage. I shared with the women my dream and with that how free I felt after realizing that my experience with childbirth will be nothing like what my mother experienced. Every pregnancy is different and every birth is perfect. I finally was able to wrap my mind around these ideas completely.
I now had the mindset that I was ready to be a parent. I remember thinking for the first time in my adult life, "If I get pregnant, it will be okay, and I can handle it." No more fear. I remember my husband saying to me before we were engaged that the opposite of love is not in fact hate...it is fear. Where there is fear, there is no love. And if love is present, there is no room for fear. Pregnancy should be about love, not fear.
And so with that in mind, I want to speak to you very plainly about this very topic, love V.S. fear. Fear is what drives most women to make decisions about their birth that they would otherwise not do. What creates fear? Ignorance. The unknown, or not knowing is what all humans are truly afraid of. I realized that the reason I had fear associated with birth was because I was ignorant of what my body was actually capable of doing during pregnancy and birth. It was with the arrival of knowledge that my ignorance turned into knowing, that my fear turned into love. With love for whatever children I would have, I knew all would go well. Something unexpected might happen, but it would be okay, because I wouldn't be in darkness and ignorance, I would have knowledge.
I think women have more going for them than they will ever know. There's a reason Eve ate the apple first. When Adam took his bite, there was already a piece missing...Women are fully equipped to carry and deliver a child without any help from anyone else, believe it or not. (And contrary to popular belief, it doesn't have to be traumatic, dramatic, or painful.) Every woman comes fully loaded with the parts, the hormones and the ability to give birth. The question is, do you have fear or love surrounding this miraculous and ancient act? If you have not yet embarked on your path of pregnancy or if you are already on that road, I ask you to look deep within yourself and see if there is any underlying fears you might have about giving birth. Write them down. Talk to someone about them. Get them out, and slowly but surely, you will find a place of love where you can at last feel safe about being a mother.
No comments:
Post a Comment