Unpacking the Past Week

I just needed to take a few minutes and reprocess the week I just had. I don't think my head and my heart are quite in sync. My logical brain understands what went on, but my heart is a little slow to catch up. I understand what I experienced, but I don't think I feel the emotional magnitude of everything that happened.

For starters, my personal life expanded. I started working again. The last time I went to work was the week after New Year's in 2013. I only worked for 3 days in 2013 because Lily was born the Sunday following New Year's. Since she was premature and had to be in the NICU, there was no question about me trying to stay at my job. I had been up front with my boss that once I had the baby, that would mean the end of my working for her. I was her personal assistant, and while I absolutely adored my job, and got along swimmingly with my boss, I had no intention of working post pardum.


Even the word "post pardum" still gives me the heebie-jeebies. I had a much more difficult time recovering after Lily's birth than I did with Carrick's. He was 3 lbs, 9oz, and she was 5lbs, 2oz. He practically slid out of me, while I had to actually push to get Lily out. Having stitches this time around only added to the burden of healing "down there".








Not only was I trying to heal, but I was trying to hold down the fort at home as much as possible for the sake of Carrick. I had some help, but for the most part, it was still up to me to drop him off at daycare, then commute to Flagstaff to spend time with my preemie little girl. All that driving around wreaked  havoc on my post pardum recovery. Sitting, sitting, and more sitting did nothing to help. If I had tried to add to my load of the needs of my boss, I would have had a complete meltdown. Nope, I had to focus on my daughter, my family, and myself, there was no room for work.

Lily was healthy, except for the fact that she was 7 weeks early, and just needed a few weeks to adjust to being on the outside rather than still on the inside. As for me, I was struggling with staying healthy after giving birth. I was driving an hour each way to the NICU, every day for 22 days. Then sitting in the hospital holding Lily for 4-5 hours. After that, I was coming home exhausted, just wanting to sit down. All that sitting made the healing process slow and painful.



Now that Lily is 20 months old, she is way past the preemie stage. Nothing about her says preemie anymore. She has been developmentally caught up since 6 months old. She weighs 23 lbs and is 33 inches long, so she's not struggling in the growth department, either. My mommy hindsight being 20/20 with Carrick, I realized that I waited longer than what was necessary to go back to work. I started him out in daycare at 18 months, but we could only afford one day a week. (Even then, I only put him in for a half day, just because I didn't want to scar him with separation from mommy. Looking back, he would not have known the difference between a full and a half day.)

So earlier this year, when Corey decided it was time for a job change, we agreed that we could get by this summer on him earning a little less, and me still not working, but by the time fall rolls around, this mama should go back to work. So I have had all summer to think about what that will be like. I knew that Lily would go to daycare, I knew I would not spend all my time at home or with the kids. But wow, did that summer go by fast!

One of the many jewelry pieces
created at the studio.

So here I am, on the other side of my first week back to work, and I survived. I found a job that pays me just enough to cover Lily's daycare cost and have some left over to give back to the family. I can also work the hours I need to that fit around the school and the daycare hours. I work for an artist not demanding. I have energy after I get off work to come home and still do the laundry and play with the kids. That was probably the most important aspect of me going back to work. I didn't want to come home exhausted and frazzled and not enjoy time with the people I truly love.

That also means that I am on the other side of putting Lily into daycare. I took her to visit the class three days on the week before she started. I wanted her to see her new environment, see the teacher, maybe even recognize him, and get excited about the toys that were there. She was a little shy at first, but by the third day, she didn't want to leave. We were only there for 10 minutes each day, so it wasn't like I was testing to see how she would do when I actually left.

The first day of actually saying "goodbye", Corey came with me. I am so glad he did. Hearing her cry, "Dada!" instead of "Mama!" made it a little easier when we walked out of the classroom. The guy in charge of her class is a father of 4, soon to be 5, so he has a very paternal instinct. He holds the kids who cry. He tries to soothe them, and he is very kind-hearted.  I felt so much better about leaving her than I did when I first left Carrick at daycare. I remember crying in the car after dropping him off for the first time. But with Lily, I had been through it once before, and it eased the strain of letting go. I knew she was in good hands and that she'd be ok.

She woke all the children up during nap time on the first two full days of attendance. Since she is still nursing, she's used to waking up and having mommy's booboos available. Since mommy wasn't there to nurse her, she cried, and one by one, the kids woke up from her crying. The teacher was more concerned for her well-being than for the other kids when he told me what happened. He didn't want her in distress without a way to soothe her. So on the third day, I gave her a sippy cup with almond milk. He said that her day went much better because of that. She clutched that sippy cup all day long. Then when she woke up (before every one else), he sat with her and read a book while she had her sippy cup. No tears. Yay!

Thanks for listening. I feel more in sync now.

Next time....Karate Class.....yes, that also happened last week.