I have begun the process of ending our time as a co-sleeping family. Some parents choose to use a crib, or a co-sleeper and perhaps you might learn something new if you fall into this category. For those of you who use co-sleeping, read on to hear my story. Also, feel free to comment on your personal experiences with your child's sleep method to add to the richness of shared knowledge.
We chose to co-sleep after our childbirth educator talked to our class about it when I was expecting Carrick. I had been on the fence with the issue of "where should the baby sleep?" since I found out I was pregnant. I heard a horror story from a friend of mine in massage school right after I found out I was pregnant. She told me that she and her friend had babies around the same time. She chose to co-sleep, her friend put her baby in a "co-sleeper" (a crib-like bed that has a side that folds out so that the parent can reach over to the baby, yet keeping the baby separate and "safe".) She said that her friend's baby died of SIDS after about two months or so. She was convinced that if the baby had been up against its mother, hearing the heartbeat and feeling the mom's breath, instead of off in the distance, the baby would not have passed away.
Okay, let's get one thing straight here, people, I am not here to trash on anyone's choice of sleeping. Each has its merits, and I am sure that one isolated incident isn't the standard for all. I know several people that have used co-sleepers quite successfully. I feel that there is no way to know for sure why that baby didn't make it. Anyway, the friend of mine was quite adamant that co-sleeping was the way to go. Snuggle up with your child, nurse them in the middle of the night, and never have to leave the comfort of your own bed.
When I suggested this idea to an older mom-friend of mine, she scoffed at the idea of co-sleeping. "Don't do it," she said, "you'll never get them out of the bed. You need to establish boundaries at a young age." Something about her reasons just didn't sit well with me. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew that at that point I was leaning more in the direction of co-sleeping.
Then during one of my prenatal visits, part of my homework was to fill out a questionnaire about pregnancy and share it with my midwife. When I told her what my biggest fear about being a first time parent was, she laughed. My answer was, "SIDS". She was a mother of 3, soon to be 4 at the time. She had home-birthed two of her three kids, nursed all of them and co-slept with all of them (and she and her husband still found a way to conceive two more kids!) So when I heard what she had to say, not only were my friend's myths about "boundaries" shattered, my mind was put at ease because some light was shed on the SIDS fear.
My midwife told me that her theory of SIDS is about the mattresses used in cribs. Have you ever smelled a new mattress? It smells plasticky, manufactured, and unnatural. Furthermore, the children sleep with their noses in close quarters to these mattresses. She suggested getting an organically made mattress if I wanted to put my baby in a crib. Then there would not be any off-gassing of chemicals. Also, to use dye-free, scent-free, hypoallergenic laundry detergent on organic cotton sheets for the crib. It sounded like a lot of money to me, but I thanked her for her insight, and continued to wiegh the pros and cons of the various sleeping methods.
The clencher came when we had childbirth class, as stated before. The leader of our group had two daughters, one was now three or four, and learning to sleep in her own bed, and the other daughter was only 4 months old. One question asked during this particular discussion was, "What if I roll over on my child?" Her response was amazing, eye opening, in fact, " Your first and strongest instinct as a parent is to protect your child. You won't roll over onto your child. In fact, there have been video recordings of families all sleeping in one bed. It's amazing, they synchronize. They all roll over at the same time, even if there is more than one child in the bed. The hormones released cause the sleep cycles to sync up."
"What about a crib in the next room? Any thoughts on that?" asked one of the dads.
"Actually, yes. If the baby is far away from you, like in another room, they have to cry louder and longer for you to wake up and hear them. So, by the time you actually get to your child, they are super awake and super upset. It takes longer to calm them down and get them back to sleep. When my duaghter stirs at night, I am already awake, and I am nursing her before she even wakes up. So she doesn't have to cry at all, and it's faster and easier for her to get back into her sleeping zone."
So, that was it. I was sold on co-sleeping. Closer meant more sleep for me and Corey.
Next time I'll discuss the actual ins and outs of co-sleeping from my own personal experience....with a preemie no less.
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