Toddler Talk

I am currently in the middle of a book called "The Happiest Toddler on the Block." It was written by the same pediatrician who wrote "The Happiest Baby on the Block", Dr. Harvey Karp. I did not read the Happiest Baby book, but the nurse who comes to our house each month told me about it. She used some of the tactics in the book on Carrick when he was younger.

For those of you who have not read either of these books, I can tell you from experience, during the short time I have been reading Happiest Toddler, I have seen vast improvements with my parental communication skills.

The Dr. Karp tells about his findings in toddler communication in his pediatrics practice. He hated the checkups that involved toddlers. They were loud, opinionated, bad-tempered, and usually, the visits ended in tears. He then thought about the human brain, and how it develops. If you look at the way a toddler thinks, it is very similar to a cave man....primitive, immature, and not fully developed. So, to tap into that type of thinking, Dr. Karp came up with a method of communication to be used with the distraught, upset, and otherwise tantrum-throwing toddler.

(This is a quick breakdown of the method. I recommend reading the book to get the full idea.)

Step 1: Use "Fast Food Speak". He calls it Fast Food Speak becuase it involves repeating back to your toddler what they are trying to say. For example, when you pull up to Taco Bell and order a bean burrito and cheese quesadilla, the worker on the other end will say, "So, that's one bean burrito and one cheese quesadilla. Will that be all?" They tell you what you just told them to make sure they have it right. Why shouldn't our precious little ones get nothing less than what we would expect at the drive through at the Taco Bell? By doing this, they know that thier message is being heard. How frustrating would it be to have the Taco Bell person say, "Uh, are you sure you want to order that?" They just mirror back what you've told them, plain and simple.

Step 2: Now that you've told your toddler back what they are trying to say to you, they will get the idea that you are listening to them, that their message is getting through. However, there is a trick to it, you have to also mirror the tone with which your child is communicating. If they're hurt, don't use a sing-songy "it's okay" tone. No, that won't do for your small one. Let them hear what they are expressing. "I'm Hurt!" they're trying to say. So repeat back to them in a hurt tone of voice, "You're hurt! You got an owie. Owie on your toe. Ow, ow owie!"

Step 3: Short, repetitive phrases. Remember, these are cave people brains we're dealing with. By repeating several words or short phrases, you're keeping it simple and not overloading their already upset systems.

Step 4: Be emphatic. Say it like you mean it.

Step 5: Use gestures and facial expressions. By using crude sign language or some actual sign language, if your toddler understands it, and facial expressions, you are getting through to your toddler on another level.

This method of "Toddler Talk" as I call it should only be used to diffuse an upset child. Don't say "it's okay", don't use logic, just go through the steps, and you'll be super surprised at the responses you get.

Check out www.thehappiestbaby.com for his baby info, and amazon.com for purchasing the Happiest Toddler on the Block.