More on Habit #2

As I progress through the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I become more and more aware of the benefits that this particular experiment holds for me as a mother. Effectiveness is the key to pateince. Being able to positively effect my budding almost-two-year old will be the key to giving him a healthy foundation on which to grow. If I start him out right, then the odds for him making good choices, expressing his thoughts and feelings and learning respect and responsiblity are increased.

As I talked about in my last entry, "Begin with End in Mind" is the second habit in the book by Steven R. Covey. Here is a Holiday Season analogy for this habit: The "End" for the Christmas season (for most families) is sitting by the Christmas tree on Christmas day, sharing gifts and taking turns opening them. You want to put a gift under the tree for someone special, but how do you get there? You buy the gift first. Now comes the task of wrapping it. You wouldn't wrap the gift by just cutting up a square of wrapping paper. You first have to measure, flip and mark where the box lies on your wrapping paper so you know just how long to cut it. If you miss this important step, you end up with gaps in your wrapping and you have to start all over again. (Or cut up a piece that you can tape over the gap.) Either way, your end result might not look as good under the tree if it's poorly wrapped, right? The desired result is missed becuase the begining wasn't on the mark.

The same goes for your parenting techniques. To be truly effective, you must begin each interaction with your toddler with the end result in mind. This is a constant and ongoing process. Some ends are longer-term than others. Some are almost instantaneous.

One of the most helpful ends is something that Carrick learned at Daycare. (Think Marry Poppins singing "A Spoonful of Sugar".) I really don't like picking up toys all day long. Since Carrick's main play place is in the living room, where most of the hanging out takes place, the floor gets very cluttered very fast. My End: Have the floor tidied up at the end of the night so it's clean for the morning. How should I do this? By making it a game of course. Carrick doesn't know that it's annoying to me to just follow behind him picking up toys. So, what if I made it so he could help? I sing a little clean up song and make it a game. That's how I begin. The process takes care of itself, Carrick thinks its a fun time with mom and dad, and I get my clean living room without doing ALL the work. This is one of the shorter-term examples.

Another example (more long-term): Bedtime routine. After dinner, Corey, Carrick and I will drink a cup of tea together. It's herbal, with a little bit of chamomile in it to add to the sleepiness of the evening. That's how we begin becuase my desired end is Carrick falling asleep with as little nursing as possible. We are down to almost 5 minutes of nursing (from the original 10-15 minutes from when we started him sleeping in his own bed.) All the other steps like showering, changing diapers, putting on jammies and brushing teeth are all in there too, but the begining is the most important. It sets up the rest of the routine and encourages my outcome.

One more example (even longer-term): My desired end of weening Carrick is set for mid-2011. I am of the mind that the child will wean when he/she is ready, but there are things I can do along the way to encourage that to happen. For the most part, Carrick only wants to nurse when he's falling asleep, if he's hurt, or if he hasn't seen me for several hours (like a re-connect with mommy time.) Looking back down the path from weaning, I think to myself, " What do I need to do to not refuse him nursing, but reduce the situations where he feels like he needs nursing?" I began with taking him for car rides for his nap times. That removes one instance during his day that he feels the need to nurse. I have stopped sitting down as much when he's hurt. If I sit down, he takes that as a cue to latch on. Or I ask Corey hold him and comfort him. Either way, these are steps at the begining of the road.

Being consistant and following through with your beginings is also important with being effective to a toddler. If they know they can rely on you to set up their outcomes, they will start reflecting what you give to them. Using this reflection is only to your benefit.

One last example: Each day, I do at least one load of laundry. I used to save this activity for when Carrick was napping becuase all he wanted to do in the laundry room was play with the water heater...SUPER dangerous. I got tired of trying to keep the door shut without him crying to be in the laundry room. My desired end: do laundry without Carrick crying and while he's awake so I can do other things (like blog) during nap time. So, I began by putting clothes halfway in the dryer so that he could put them in the rest of the way. Next I put him on the dryer so he could play with the dials before I set them. After that, I showed him how to clean the lint trap. Then I let him push the start button. The last thing we do is have a big jump from the top of the dryer where he's standing into my arms. Then we leave the laundry room together. He helps out without crying. I have effectively redirected his behavior and everyone is happy. (Not to mention that the laundry routine is set in his brain, so he practically tells me what to do next. Sometimes it's all I can do to get the lint trap replaced before he pushes the start button becuase he know's that it's the next thing.)

The second habit is also called, the "Leadership" habit. Think of yourself as the leader in an all-day game of follow-the-leader. The actions, words and attitude you put out there to your toddler will be what you get back. Begin every day, every short-term and long-term task by thinking about what you want out of it then decide where to start based on what you want to have happen. I gurantee your results will be beyond what you could have imagined from yourself and from your toddler.