Parenting According to the Four Agreements

After finally reading The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, I now have a firm enough grasp on the concepts therein to start a blog series devoted to this book. Some people may have heard about this book, it may be new to others. The man who wrote this wonderful, easy-to-read book is of Toltec descent. The ideas he included have been handed down for generations, and he decided that it was time for the whole world to know about them. It's a good thing too, because these four simple ideas could just change the world for the better. Some folks, like my mother, initially, might view this book as counter-religious, and thereby disregard it. I encourage you to lay aside whatever religious views you have and embrace the teachings as they are presented. None of them conflict with any religious system. In fact, they are in accordance with the peaceful teachings of every major religion. If you do read this book, whether it's during my blog series, or just on your own, don't get hung up on the intro. It can feel a little "woo-woo" or new-age. The intro is simply how the author chose to introduce his ideas. In fact, I even skipped the intro. I had heard it on the audio CD Corey keeps in his car several times, so I just started reading the chapters on the agreements themselves once I got my hands on the hard copy.

That said, here is how I was introduced to The Four Agreements. Two years ago, after Corey had been employed by Azadi Fine Rugs in Sedona, the owner decided that all his sales employees were required to read the book. It became the focus of their weekly sales meetings. Imagine a company whose business philosophy is based on a book of peace? As Corey delved into the world of the Four Agreements and began using them in his everyday interactions at work, I noticed how awesome they were. We would sit at the table over diner and he would tell me his work stories of the day and how he applied one or more agreements when working with clients. I was so impressed by the integrity with which he was conducting business that I soon became curious about the book myself. However, it wasn't until much later that I actually heard the words in the book. For some reason, I let being a mom take over my life and I took very little time to read. If I did read, I wanted to read something like the Chronicles of Narnia, not a book of non-fiction. It was on my list of things to read "eventually".

So, last Christmas, Corey gave a copy of the book to each of his employees. He also bought several extra copies, "just in case". Two of the extra copies went to each set of our parents. One copy went to my current boss, and one became mine. I think at some point Corey gave his original copy to someone he thought might like it, so that may have contributed to me not reading it sooner than I did.

I must say that it is a breath of fresh air that both Corey and I live and work in places where the Four Agreements are understood, used, and supported. It brings a certain cohesiveness to our lives. I don't come home with complaint stories about my boss, because I can talk to her openly about issues that come up. Corey doesn't arrive home defeated if he didn't make a sale because he knows that he used integrity with his interactions and applied Agreement #4.

So, what are these mysterious Toltec bits of wisdom called "Agreements"?
They are:
Agreement #1: Be Impeccable with your Word
Agreement #2: Don't Take Anything Personally
Agreement #3: Don't Make Assumptions
Agreement #4: Always do Your Best

As I go through this, I want to illustrate what the Agreement means, how you might use it in your everyday life, and how it applies specifically to parenting. There will most likely be several entries for each Agreement. I want to be as clear and thorough with this series as I can be. I firmly believe that by incorporating these elements, even to a small degree into your parenting, you will not only feel better about your decisions and actions as a parent, but you will have a closer, more loving relationship with your precious child(ren). It's way too easy to get caught up in the moment, react harshly, feel justified in your words or actions because "your the parent", but afterwards, you may feel lousy about what happened. It is my hope that these Agreements will help you find new ways of viewing your world, as a person individually as well as a parent.