This week I had been looking for isolated incidences of "Think Win/Win" (habit 4) but felt disappointed when I couldn't come up with any. They usually happen all the time, or at least once or twice a day. However, the more I looked for them, the more elusive they seemed. What was I doing wrong? Where was I tripping up? Was Carrick just reacting to the reduction of attention after his grandparents' visit? Or was I forgetting something as a parent that encouraged his primal behavior?
A few days after my last post, I started to worry that I wouldn't have any examples to share with my readers about the win/win thinking of habit #4. How do you accomplish this with a toddler anyway?
Win/win moments and outcomes, I found out, don't just happen, I have to create them. How do I do this? By truly incorporating habits 1-3. It starts with owning my responses to Carrick's behavior, choosing my reactions rather than simply reacting, being proactive, exercising habit 1. That gives me the calmness I need to begin with the end in mind, to look all the way down the path to the desired outcome and see the steps that lead to where I am standing, the key to habit 2. Also, all along the path I must use habit 1 with each step. Finally, I need to organize myself to actually achieve my goal, what is important to my goal, where do I need to spend my time, identifying my quadrant 2 activities to support this, using the grid of habit 3. By utilizing these three practices, the win/win thinking was already a in my brain. I was focused on my goal and I arrived there. Because I arrived there, those who were involved were also a part of my triumph.
Here's the magic: When there is a triumph, a victory, a win involved, who can possibly turn down a high-five? No one that I've met yet will ignore a high-five if it's appropriate, and that includes a toddler. In fact, that's one of the earliest forms of success acknowledgement that toddlers learn, is to give a high-five.
That is where I found my examples of Think Win/Win, in the high-five moments. I would look for ways to set up those moments instead of the isolated situations of "think win/win". The high-five moments required me to plan ahead somewhat, rather than waiting for them to occur. Because of the work involved with setting up these high-five moments, I was using the first three habits. By thinking of win/win as a stand-alone concept, I was failing miserably. Habit 4 is entirely dependant upon my commitment to the first three habits.
So, here is my biggest high-five moment of the week, how I used all the habits to get there, and the incredible win/win that happened as a result:
Carrick's favorite place for an outing right now is to the local wildlife park, where we have a year pass. He loves watching the animals feed, play and talk, ( "Tiger, Raaaoorrrr!!!!") On Wednesdays, I watch Carrick's best friend for the afternoon. I pick him up from his half day of daycare and watch him until his mom gets off work.
Habit 1- I took initative this week. I just got the house clean after buying new furniture and I didn't want the kids in the house all afternoon messing it up. So I used.....
Habit 2- I began my week with the end in mind. I thought about trying an outing to the wildlife park with both the kids by myself to fill up the afternoon time. With that end in mind I worked backwards: I want them to be at the park, rested and fed by the time they do the predator feed at 3. That means I need to have the kids napping by 2. That means I need to take the long way there so they have time to fall asleep. That means I need to leave town by 1. That means I need to be ready to pick up Carrick's friend by 12:30. Which means I need to have lunch ready for Carrick and me by noon. I need to have the car packed and ready to go before that, and Carrick and I need to be ready as well. Thining about the outing at the begining of the week gave me time to organize how I would accomplish this outing and where my time needed to be spent.
Habit 3- I used the 4 quadrants of habit 3, focusing on the first two quadrants. This exercise porved useful on the day of the outing as my morining time was precious to me. I needed certain things to happen so that we could leave town right after picking up Carrick's friend.
I also chose my reaction to things using habit 1 all throughout the day. When Carrick didn't fall asleep right away, I drove around, instead of letting myself get upset. I was also not pleased when my phone rang and woke up the kids before I had planned. We were all sitting in the car, the kids asleep in their carseats, at the wildlife park, when my husband called. The kids woke up after only 20 minutes of nap time. I chose my response, acknowledging that it was me who didn't turn down the ringer on my phone, owning my situation, and I just rolled with it. They did just fine with only a cat nap.
The two two-year-olds in my care that day had so much fun at the park. They were repeating every animal name I could tell them, including hyenea. They were thrilled with watching the animals get their "num-nums" on the predator feed. They also sat down and shared a bowl of ice cream. (And the cat nap proved beneficial for an early bedtime the day before Carrick's one daycare day.)
The outing was a complete sucess, a true win/win. I kept my house clean and the kids had a fantastic time with the animals, the fresh air and eachother's company. High-fives all around.
The lesson learned: Use the first three habits to set up high-five moments and everybody wins.
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