Now that we have discussed the first three habits in the series The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, we have covered the three facets that apply to the inner self. Acting in a proactive manner, beginning with the end in mind and putting first things first are all about how we program ourselves and choose our thoughts and actions. The Habits of #4-6 are more outward, dealing with how you interact with your outside world. We will talk about those in the next entry. For the time being I want to bring to light what happens once we begin putting the first three habits into action on a regular basis.
Once you are familiar with these habits and start using them in your daily life, whether it be to be a more effective parent, husband, wife, human being, whatever, you will begin to see the world through a different lens. When you change your view of the world, you experience what Dr. Covey calls a "paradigm shift". This means that you see things in a different light, things that may have been invisible to you are now quite obvious, your relationship with yourself changes and begins to move outward.
One of the paradigm shifts that I have experienced since starting this little project is my attitude towards bedtime. I have been struggling with establishing an effective bedtime routine for several months now. Carrick's erratic sleep habits get me so stressed out at the end of the day. He could lay in bed for half an hour, tossing, kicking, rolling, getting out of bed, swinging his arms, talking and otherwise staving off sleep. Add this on top of me being tired and quite "done" with being mommy from the day, and you get two very upset, unsettled-down individuals.
I have recently been made aware of my lack of effectiveness and ways that I can change this bedtime situation. Instead of feeling powerless (also from lack of help from Corey), I feel empowered. That is my paradigm shift. from feeling helpless to feeling quite capable. I have yet to actually get the results I want, and I have to remember that it's a process to implement, not a quick fix.
Now that I have the tools necessary, I can now create the habit of a bedtime routine. A habit, as defined by Dr. Covey is possessing three things, knowledge, skill and attitude. So far, with bedtime, I had the knowledge that a bedtime routine needed to be in place, but I lacked the skill (not being familiar with the three habits) and the attitude ( feeling like I couldn't do it.) With my paradigm shift I have come to a place of feeling like I posses all three necessary components to create the habit.
How do I do this now? I use my proactive habit to choose how I respond to Carrick not falling asleep. Instead of saying in an exasperated voice, "Just fall asleep already!!!" I can choose to cuddle him, rock him, leave him alone, read him a book, or a host of other, more effective responses that won't leave him upset. I could feel myself defeating my own purpose each night when it came to me getting fed up with trying to get him to sleep. I knew that creating negativity around bedtime was counter productive, but I felt like I had no other choice. With habit #1, I realize that I not only have the choice, but that there are endless possibilities of responses to choose.
Habit # 2 is where I am just beginning. I know that in 6 months, I want Carrick to have a bedtime routine in place, fall asleep by 8:30 every night ( or as frequently as possible) and have him in his own bed. That is my end. Now I need to devise a way to get there. That's where habit #3 comes into play. By making my four quadrants, I can put the components I want to see happen into the four areas of urgency/importance. For example, in the first quadrant, I would put, " Setting an alarm for 8 pm". That means that it's something I need to do right now, and it's very significant. This will be the first thing that begins the bedtime routine every night. Carrick, Corey and I all hear the alarm and know that now is the time for starting the bedtime routine. Also in this quadrant would be changing a diaper and putting on pajamas.
In Quadrant #2, I would put things like reading a book, baby massage, and a bath. These are things that are important, but if time doesn't allow for them all every night, that's okay. If one or two of these things happen each night, then it's considered a success. In quadrant # 3, in the Urgent/ unimportant quadrant, I would put things like me having time alone to read a book, make a cup of tea or having time after Carrick is asleep to sit with Corey on the couch, just the two of us. It would be urgent, because it's time-sensitive but not so important that if it doesn't happen my night isn't shaken up. And lastly, quadrant #4 would be things that should be eliminated anyway, like watching a program right before bedtime.
So, now that I am equipped with the knowledge and skills to put Carrick to bed effectively, I need to keep a positive attitude that it will happen. After doing this several times, utilizing my knowledge, skill and attitude, I will have created a habit that I am happy about.
What kinds of things do you want to establish as a habit? How can you incorporate the first three habits to help you along? What kinds of shifts or transformations have you experienced in your own life since using the first three habits?
Next time, we dive into Habit #4, Think Win/Win.
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