So, the last time we met, I was discussing Habit #6, Synergy, which is the combining of forces to come up with something better than either party could have come up with on their own. Also, the synergistic effect of cooperation that happens during the process of discussing options and coming up with solutions.
One of the big challenges that parents will face at some point, unless they live in the middle of nowhere, is having to work with other parents and people who interact with their child. This is not always easy. Raising children can have more variables than a quantum equation. There are thousands, even millions of perspectives regarding what is right/wrong, acceptable/unacceptable when dealing with children. So, when you encounter parents of different viewpoints, how do you respect your values as a parent and at the same time come to an understanding with other parents?
One of the biggest things that we can do is to simply open up communication between adults. Go to parks, playgrounds, zoos, churches, playgroups, swimming pools, anywhere you can to observe and talk to other parents. The sharing of knowledge is one of the best things we can do with and for each other. Oftentimes, seeing or hearing what one parent does might help you along your path as a parent. And while you may not necessarily do exactly what they say, you might modify it to fit your values and your child.
A friend of mine told me that she made learning letters a part of her son's bedtime routine recently. He is just over two years old and is really starting to build his vocabulary. She uses the aquadoodle that he received as a birthday present to write different letters, and sometimes even words. Now, when he and my son play together, he likes to "read" his ABC book to us. He goes through each page, telling us what each letter stands for. "D-Daddy! M-Mommy!" and so on. My son was so caught up in his friend's new ability to 'read' that he wanted to 'read' to me out of his ABC book when we spend time alone. I asked my friend about what she did with her son to make him so interested in words. I took her advice, changed it a little to fit what my son is interested in, and now, he is "reading" too.
By seeing the effect that another parent's idea had on my child, I realized that as parents, we just can't do it all by ourselves. We owe it to ourselves and our children to learn from others, to share ideas, and to work together in raising our young ones.
One more example. My son has a issue with hitting when he's tired and can't express how he feels. However, hitting is not an acceptable behavior, whether or not he's tired. He can't learn to use that as a means of expression. I have literally tried everything I can think of to try to get him not to hit. I used time-out, I used the word "gentle" with an action to go with it, I have tried sitting with him on my lap, holding his hands down and saying, "hands are not for hitting". I am ashamed to say this one, but I even spanked him once for it, when he laughed about it and continued to hit. I was literally at my wit's end. I felt like a poor mother and that my son was going to be cursed with anger issues.
Until one night....He was playing with his little friend and I was enjoying some adult conversation with my best friend as our kids played. Carrick hit his friend, and I picked him up and removed him from the situation asking him to say he was sorry. My friend said, "Hands are not for hitting," but I don't think the message was conveyed. Then a light bulb turned on. I asked my friend what it would be like if the next time Carrick hit her son if she were the one to remove him from the situation and tell him that it's not okay to hit.
I thought in my mind, "If she does it, he won't be expecting it. It would totally change his perspective if someone other than mommy administered the discipline." So I shared my thought with her and she was on board. We have yet to test this theory, because Carrick has been pretty well behaved lately. However, it will surely happen again, and when it does, we will have parental synergy in place.
As I come to the close of habit 6, I see what it means to have all of these habits in place; one feeds another, feeds another. No one habit can work just on its own. They all need to be used in concert for the effectiveness and power they hold to really kick in.
I am going to test using all six habits together at the end of my day today. There is a misunderstanding between me and Carrick's daycare provider and I need some clarity and conclusion to the situation. I want to address her and be effective, and I know of no better way to be effective than to utilize the habits I have been blogging about since December. I need to be proactive, by choosing my responses. I have to remember to begin with the end in mind. I need to put first things first and keep what is important in the spotlight. I should go in with a win/win attitude. I also will put on my listening ears and seek first to understand where she is coming from. Then I will hopefully be one half of a synergistic outcome.
In my Habit 7 entry, I will discuss the outcome of this encounter as it is the habit that ties all the others together.
Peace in Parenting,
Rachael Sheridan
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